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As a whiner and a complainer, I have the intention to no longer be the whiner and the complainer. That means I have to take a long hard look at the things I whine and complain about and determine two things. First I need to be aware of my responsibility around the situation. Second, I need to think really big and broadly and allow another possibility for solving the situation that I am either complaining or whining about or heaven forbid, both whining and complaining!

Do I find myself complaining about the same thing day after day, week after week? That can be a good clue.

A couple months ago I heard myself whining. The situation was that I was responsible for all three days of transporting my mother, who has Alzheimer’s disease, to her adult day program. My brother had been a big help with at least one day, and on that day I was free to work or make plans without a worry of having to change the plans.

Then my brother got really busy at work and was out of town and I had full responsibility for the transportation.

I had to really pull forth from my steps to live by and figure out how to “happily” deal with this new turn of events. I truly believe that we need to ask for help.

Where can I get the help? What are my choices?

I could ask my father to take her, which I didn’t want to do because this is his special time to himself. As my mother’s primary caregiver, he deserves the time to do something fun or something he could not normally do when my mom was at home, as she can no longer be left alone. Another choice would be that she could take the transportation provided by the state, but I don’t feel that was the perfect solution due to her anxiety around the fact that she becomes somewhat anxious with strangers and the drive home is a big transition for her.

I know I need to ask for help, but that was not easy. I knew I wanted to have someone my mother knows, because one of her strengths is that she is a people person, and has not lost that ability to remember all her friends and family.  I did let go, and ask my father to pitch in a few times. I knew I needed to move beyond the idea that it had to be a family member taking her, but I could not figure out what to do.

That is when I remembered something I had learned about the twelve step program; one of the steps is to give up your problem to a higher power. I asked my higher power to help me with a solution, because I could not figure out what to do.

The first thing I did to let go was to plan my week as if I was the sole driver. That way I did not have to rush around and change my work schedule and appointments if my brother was unavailable at the last minute. It cut down on my work time, but most importantly also decreased my stress level!

The second thing I did was pray for the answers, or to learn what was the way for me to deal with this. A week later I ran into a friend of my mother’s, a younger woman who used to work in the same office with my mother. She told me she would love to help with the care of my mother; even with the age difference they had been good friends.

It was the perfect solution for me! All I did was ask for a solution; I didn’t try to force one, it just developed! It is at times like this that I realize that even when I feel hopeless that I am out of choices or there is nothing else that can be done, I learn that that is not true. For each way that I think a problem should be solved there are many other ways that are not yet in my awareness.

Until next week,
Lorraine