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This month we’ve talked about how parents of teenagers tend to fall into one of two camps; they’re either in the “I’m done parenting” camp or in the “I don’t want to let go” camp.  Neither side causes teens to feel supported in a healthy manner.  Both extremes can benefit from learning how to achieve a “happy medium.”  Here’s how:

Just right
Don’t make the mistake of thinking that your kids no longer want you in their lives. They do. They just don’t need you to do everything for them anymore. Think long term: how will my action or non-action impact my teens as they transition into adulthood?

You know your involvement is just right when:

• You coach your teen through handling sticky life situations, such as talking to a teacher about changing a grade or negotiating with a college roommate
• You ask your emerging adult what his or her plans are for problem-solving unwelcome events (you provide resources, not solutions), and let your child learn from the experience
• You let your child take the lead with you as the co-pilot, fostering responsibility and accountability

In a healthy parent-teen relationship, parents are able to offer their help or their presence when their teenagers need or want it, and teens are able to ask their parents for advice. If you have a history of being overprotective, teens often expect you to do too much for their own good.  Only do for your children what they cannot yet do for themselves. And give them the tools and the opportunity to learn how to problem-solve. 

When teens realize that they can figure things out on their own, their sense of worth increases. And you can relax, knowing you’ve done your best!

Best-
Barbara