Take the Night Off
Susan Kim
Last week I shared the story of Rose and Bob who are new parents in the learning stages of adapting to their new life and each other. They were both feeling stressed, tired and unhappy, which was causing tension in their relationship.
With my encouragement, they had a nice conversation about what they both needed and then they started to take care of themselves.
Bob built some better boundaries at work and started to implement a system of delegation. He also continued to take time out for himself, ie playing soccer, working out, etc.
Rose took a night off, literally. She did not have a specific night for soccer practice or the like, but she needs some time off to do the things that SHE wants to do, just the same. So each week her and Bob decide what night is “Rose” night, working together around Bob’s work schedule and his soccer practices, and that evening she can do whatever she wants, while Bob goes home early to pick up the baby. So far during these “Rose” nights, she has met up with friends, put together her photo album, and got a manicure/pedicure. She has all night to stay out if she wants, but she usually gets home by 8pm so she has some time with the baby before bed. And she’s able to enjoy that time even more.
She’s happier and more relaxed. He’s happier and glad she’s getting what she needs. And guess what, they’re BOTH happier together and do not argue as much. One night of self care a week has improved their individual boundaries as well as the overall relationship between them AND has strengthened their family.
Self Care is not just important for you and your well being, but also for the relationships and the people around you. It changes your attitude and mindset which manifests in your daily life.
Think of a way that you can tweak YOUR week so that you’re getting more of what YOU want.
Make Happiness Yours,
Susan
Susan’s daily goal is to laugh, be present and enjoy each moment without regret. Susan Kim Coaching, LLC is designed to support, educate and inspire women professionals to create better balance, accomplish more and live easier without compromising their career. Susan knows it is possible! Since 1994, Susan has been involved with business operations from development to management. Her business experience coupled with her educational background allow Susan to provide the support and guidance her clients need. Her clients feel more joy and start to take action from the very first session. Susan offers individual coaching, online services, group trainings and seminar presentations. She is a graduate of Cornell University (BS), Columbia University (MA) and Coach University (CUG). She has been honored as a nominee for the Maui County Mayor’s Small Business Award and is a recipient of the Pacific Business News Forty Under 40 Award which is given to Hawaii’s up and coming young business people. She has also been named by the SBA as a Home-Based Business Champion of the Year. Susan surfs and practices yoga as well as dabbling in photography, crafts, sewing and gardening. On her spare time she enjoys spending time with her family, which includes her husband, a cockatiel (Phineas) and a dog (Tia). Find out more at http://www.susankimcoaching.com.
June 17th, 2008 at 7:17 am
This is so true, and illustrates another issue that we all have trouble with - being able to step back far enough to see what the problem and the solution are from the outside.
I think that, reading your last piece, most of us out here could see a clear path to action (sit down, talk it out, and let Bob do some of the after-work care so Rose can go out, for crying out loud, LOL). But when you’re in that situation, it can be so hard to get that necessary distance from the daily “in your face”-ness of it all.
That’s why I believe that coaching is so important. It provides you with someone who’s on your side and who can see your situation with a “forest” viewpoint, while you spend all day banging into trees. From that more distant viewpoint, your coach can get a clear overview of the situation and draw you a map to help you find your way through the woods and come out into the sunshine.
Great case study!
June 17th, 2008 at 3:20 pm
Thanks for sharing what Bob and Rose did. Sounds like a great plan. Agree wtih Soni that this is another reason why coaching is so valuable.
June 17th, 2008 at 3:59 pm
I am great at telling friends and family to take time for themselves but I always seem to put off doing the same for myself. It is so easy to get lost in my childrens activites. I do believe it is important to have time to yourself though and am committing to at least one night this week!
June 23rd, 2008 at 8:58 am
Susan,
As a mother myself of a fabulous but very spirited child, I can attest to how hard it is to just take a night off (repeatedly) but also how very important it is.
Motherhood is a marathon, not a race. Pace yourself so your motherhood muscles scream less!
June 23rd, 2008 at 5:41 pm
rallen - WAY TO GO!
Hope your Night Off last week was FABULOUS!
Jennifer - I LOVE that point.
Motherhood is a marathon, not a race.
Pace yourself. . .
With Aloha!