When your teen phones home to ask you to do a task
for him or her, what is your first response? Do
you think it through or do you automatically
answer? Are you guiding them or interfering with
their growth?

Without first asking yourself whether doing the
task or not doing the task is of the greatest
benefit to your teens, you run the risk of
short-changing them.

Here’s what my editor at HC Ambition wrote
in her Do It Yourself column:

“I am sometimes surprised when I see parents
handling tasks for their kids that should be turned
over to the child sooner rather than later. While
I agree it’s just easier to do some of these things
myself (I also have teens), it’s not always
preparing them for what is to come next year; real
life.

I say this, not as criticism, but as advice from
someone who experienced the rush of “real life” -
because before I was 18 everything was done for
me by my parents. I now wish I had been better
prepared for some things, including something as
simple as making a phone call to arrange an
appointment.

I remember being paralyzed with fear when I was
living away from home only a year after high
school and I had to call a plumber. I can’t tell
you why, because I don’t know. I was a bit shy,
but mostly I never had to take care of things
myself until I was living away from home…

I feel sometimes my kids think I’m mean by
telling them it is their responsibility to do
“x”, but I’m really doing it so when I’m not
around they will already have experience
handling such things themselves…”

Think about the tasks that you are doing now
that you could easily have your teen do. Then
together with your teenager, break the task down
into easy steps or help prepare a script. Give
your child the opportunity to feel the esteem
and confidence that comes with doing a new task.

As Eleanor Roosevelt once said, “What would the
results be for our kids to go to college and live
an adult life after years of being sheltered?
They’d find themselves handicapped to live a
normal life.”

My best-
Barbara

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