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I was reading a magazine on the way to a client this past week and I got truly angry.  The conversation revolved around successful women and whether or not their success was related to their status as not having children.  I was simply amazed that the concept of not having children was being credited as the success factor for this group of Executive Women.  The message basically was that being a Mom would not help you get into the Board Room.That message made me very angry.  Once I calmed down and reviewed my own climb up the corporate ladder I could see some truth here.  It is true that being a “dink” (double income household with no kids) or even a “sink” (single income household with no kids) has it’s merits as it generally allows you to work longer hours.  I remember before my son was born, many nights spent burning the midnight oil at the office.  I also remember in those days how important face time was and how often the boss would wander by at eleven o’clock at night.  I also must admit that when this single career woman decided to get married and then got pregnant, there were people truly happy for me and those that only wanted to know how quickly I could return to work.  I even experienced a superior who told me he would give me two weeks to enjoy my son before he would call me with work related questions.  For anyone wondering, yes, this would have been a violation of the laws around maternity leave.  Luckily, a witness to the conversation politely informed that person in private that he would need to allow for the full legal allotment of maternity leave before calling.

In hindsight, leaving that position was the very best thing I could do.  I had acheived the highest level in my career and had made it into the Board Room although I was still a couple of levels below the top.  I left to see if the stay at home Mom thing was right for me and in the end our family’s decision was for me to return to work full time and revisit the decision in a few years.  It is two years later and I have once again acheived the highest level in my career and am happily back in the Board Room only this time I am in that top Executive category.  I am now full circle back to this magazine article.

So, what does lead to success - kids or no kids?  The answer is both and it depends on the individual.  Of course it is much easier to work late and travel around the globe without kids and it is always a negotiation regardless of the situation.  When I was married with no children, I had to negotiate with my husband when we would have together time since I was always working.  Some weekends he would come to my office to keep me company.  Now with children, I still negotiate with my husband and sometimes he comes with our son and runs around my office while I work and sometimes I run around with my son at his office while he works.

Negotiation is the KEY to success here.  You need to negotiate with yourself in many ways including deals with yourself about not being angry about your decisions.  You need to negotiate with your spouse or partner about who works late and who takes care of the kids each time.  You need to negotiate with your boss about how you achieve work/life balance.  Most importantly, you need to negotiate with your children about spending quality time with them and allow them to share their feelings about your schedule.

I challenge you this week to look at places where you need to negotiate for time with your family and your career.  Think about what has contributed to your success.

I’d love to hear your thoughts.

Until next week.

Cheryl