Are you of the belief that your teen’s friends
have more influence over your teenager than you do?
Do you feel threatened by your teen’s friends? 

Friends DO have some influence on teens’ choices
with respect to short-term some choices (clothes,
hair styles, etc.). Teen surveys consistently
report that parents typically have more influence
on decisions concerning long-term choices such as
whether to attend college, or job and career plans.

Teens often complain to me that they wish their
friends would talk to their parents. This quote
from one girl sums it up: “My BFF has trouble
talking to her mom; she doesn’t think she can tell
her anything, so she comes to me for help. I don’t
mind helping, but I can’t handle everything in her
life on top of mine. I need good advice for her
to talk to her mom…It’s too much for me!”

Most friends don’t want the responsibility of
being a coach/mentor to your teen. It’s much too
stressful! As an adolescent, I remember feeling
pressured by my friends to take the role of their
parents. In middle school I relayed to them much
of what I learned from my mother. During high
school, she - not I - became an “unofficial” mom
to a few close friends.

Believe it or not, most teens would prefer to get
guidance from you than from their friends. It’s
only when parents use conversation killers that
your children feel the need to go elsewhere. Your
perfectly good conversations get derailed when
you interrupt, contradict, make generalizations,
or use putdowns.

ACTION STEP:
Think of people in your life who make it difficult
to communicate. What do they do or say that turns
you off? What is it that you dislike (their tone,
word choices, their attitudes or criticisms)? Make
a list and then check yourself. What adjustments
could you make to improve your communications?

I’ve been a step-mom during most of my married life.
Had I known early on what I know now, it would’ve
been much easier. It’s never too late, though, to
upgrade your essential coaching skills, to enjoy
and guide some of the most important people in your
life.

My best,
Barbara

You can access an ebook version of the “7 Simple Steps to  
Transform Relationships & Enrich Lives” www.teenfrontier.com.
(c) Barbara McRae