Cooling your temper (Part 1)
Kirsten Harrell
Many years ago, I took my car in to the repair shop because of a dead battery. When I went to pick up my car, I was surprised that it wouldn’t start even though the battery had been replaced! I was a bit irritated and went back in to talk with the service manager. We started on a bad note. He was rude to me. That’s a hot button for me – rude customer service people. I could feel the anger rising. Before I knew it, I had lost my temper and it got ugly. Not a proud moment of mine.
You know that feeling. When you feel the anger building up and you are just about to blow your stack or lose your temper. Most people experience this at some point in their lifetime. The problem is when this happens regularly and/or if it becomes violent. Anger itself is not a problem. Appropriate anger can help us take action to change a situation for the better or to protect our boundaries. The way we deal with and express the anger can be problematic. Using our anger to lash out and hurt others – emotionally, mentally, or physically – it not acceptable behavior.
While there are certainly incidents that can trigger anger, the real problem is the anger that builds up inside you. Here’s an analogy: if you squeeze an orange, you get orange juice. What comes out when you get squeezed or your buttons get pushed? If the answer is a lot of anger or rage, then you have some housecleaning to do. If anger isn’t processed or released properly, it will build up in you like steam in a pressure cooker – ready to blow any minute. Even the smallest things can then elicit anger and rage. Think about the idea that 90% of your reaction to a current situation is related to the past and only 10% is about the current situation.
Kirsten Harrell, Psy.D. is a soul psychologist, coach, writer, and motivational speaker. Dr. Harrell has combined her expertise in positive psychology, stress-management, hypnosis, spirituality, and energy psychology to provide cutting edge services to individuals and businesses for over 15 years. Dr. Harrell is co-creator of a series of audio products - ipopins - that deliver positive affirmations to busy people in a fun and convenient way. Dr. Harrell is passionate about helping people connect with their essential spirit and use the Universal laws of success to achieve their fullest potential and manifest their dreams.
July 21st, 2008 at 10:25 am
Your 90% and 10% concept is so valuable. Letting go is a huge obstacle sometimes. Thank you for sharing your insight, what a great message to carry with you. Now, if only I had someone whispering it in my ear the next time I get worked up!
July 21st, 2008 at 3:48 pm
The 90/10 definitely puts things into perspective! Thanks for that!
July 22nd, 2008 at 2:00 pm
@ elysef - If only we could come up with a product to do that - whisper in people’s ears to remember the 90/10 idea!
Seriously, I find that the more you practice cooling your temper the better you get.
@Susan - You are welcome! It is one of the most helpful ideas I have ever learned.
July 23rd, 2008 at 12:38 pm
I think that much can be resolved by staying in the moment vs going to the future or the past. There seems to be alot buzz lately about the Power of Now and living in the present moment. Your blog is another great example of what happens when we step outside of the current time.
July 24th, 2008 at 7:11 am
Hi Kris,
You are so right… being in the present moment is important in ALL aspects of our lives. I haven’t read the Power of Now, but I am very familiar with mindfulness and present moment focus.
Even though I have been practicing mindfulness for a number of years, I still find it difficult at times to keep myself in the now. How about you?