As a writer and a business woman, I’ve learned to
appreciate clarity in all kinds of communication.
Clarity is easily achieved when you keep your
messages short and simple. When we are unclear, we
can expect others to get annoyed or bewildered.

Brevity alone doesn’t work. It isn’t just about
the number of words you use, it’s which words you’ve
chosen to illustrate your point. This requires some
forethought. A thoughtful communicator doesn’t pour
out a stream of words without first choosing a vessel
to receive the content. After all, communication that
isn’t received is wasted.

Making the content short and simple is the job of
the leader, the parent coach. When the focus is on
how can I be an effective communicator in order for
my words to be easily understood by another (teens
or adults), then your chances of being successful
will dramatically improve.

For some, clearly communicating feels unnatural. You
might resist by thinking: “I don’t want to change; my
kid should know what I mean!” Whenever I hear that, it
tells me that the communicator wants the listener to
do all the work. It’s logical, though, for the
initiator of the conversation to take the lead. Also,
be aware that short and simple doesn’t mean that you
need to “dumb it down” or oversimplify.

An effective communications model I’ve learned over
the years in coaching business owners and executives
also applies to personal communications. It’s a
three-pronged approach: Background, Action, Results.
The acronym is BAR. Many of you already know I love
acronyms; you can think of it at raising the BAR to
attain more productive communication.

Here’s how it works, give yourself a limit of 1-3
short and simple sentences for each letter:

• Background description of the situation or problem
• Action taken, not taken or that you are now
  requesting of someone
• Results to be achieved or benefits of an action
  or change

Action Step:
Whenever you have the urge to talk to your teen about
a concern that you have, think it through before
initiating the conversation. Instead of just thinking
about the subject, though, think about how you want
to present the information and how you can best help
your son or daughter understand it. Keep in mind how
the listener processes information.

Once you’ve taken the time to prepare for your
conversation, ask your teenager for five minutes and
stick to this timing. Most people are much more
willing to listen if they know you’ll keep it
short and simple. If you need more time, be respectful
and ask if you can continue now or if it would be
better to schedule more time later.

The more agitated parents get, the more we want to
drive our point home. Don’t! Take care not to sound
like a broken record. If you do, you’ll dilute your
message. Short and simple is powerful.

My best,
Barbara

P.S. To learn more about effective communication,
see “Coach Your Teen to Success.”
(www.amazon.com)