Help! My kids won’t talk to me (Part IV)
Kirsten Harrell
Spend more time talking with your teenagers. Ask about their interests, opinions, and ideas. Instead of criticizing their music, try starting a conversation. Listen to them and find out what they like about this type of music. You could share your feelings about it – without lecturing them. Remember that teens are struggling for independence and autonomy. You can foster their independence by listening to their ideas and opinions. Avoid talking too much or asking too many questions. Be patient and listen. Try to keep your attention on what your teen is saying and not on what you want to say next.
Encourage your children to think things through and weigh the potential consequences of their actions. Share with them your reasons for saying no to a request (avoid the standard “because I am the parent”). For example, “I don’t want you going to the movies tonight because it is a school night and I want you to do your homework and get to bed on time.” There may be times that you negotiate and find a compromise, but don’t be afraid to stick to your decision if you feel strongly about it.
If you are not satisfied with the type or amount of communication with your children, start implementing these ideas. Healthy communication in a family leads to strong family bonds and better self-esteem and confidence in children. Good communication skills take some time to develop, but the rewards are worth it!
After reading this 4 part series, how has your communication style changed? What changes are you noticing in your family’s communication patterns?
Until next month…
Kirsten
Kirsten Harrell, Psy.D. is a soul psychologist, coach, writer, and motivational speaker. Dr. Harrell has combined her expertise in positive psychology, stress-management, hypnosis, spirituality, and energy psychology to provide cutting edge services to individuals and businesses for over 15 years. Dr. Harrell is co-creator of a series of audio products - ipopins - that deliver positive affirmations to busy people in a fun and convenient way. Dr. Harrell is passionate about helping people connect with their essential spirit and use the Universal laws of success to achieve their fullest potential and manifest their dreams.

August 27th, 2008 at 6:24 am
Great suggestions! We can only change ourselves - yet those changes have a ripple effect in all dimensions of our life - including how we communicate with our children. It’s the old adage “if it’s to be - it begins with me”. A lesson I learned with my two sons - if you want them to listen to you - then start by listening to them.
The ROI for good communication is ‘priceless’!