Life doesn’t always seem to make sense. Situations
that seemed to be a sure thing turn out to be any-
thing but sure. These events can range from the
chaos of having your financial investments suddenly
disappear to the family gathering that was unexpectedly
ruined due to an emotional blow-up.

The more invested you are in what you thought
“should’ve” happened vs. accepting what did happen,
the more you will suffer.

The Illusion of Control

People who over-react are particularly affected by the
unpredictable nature of life. Some are perfectionists;
they rationalize that it’s OK to want control over
events because they have high standards. I know I used
to be one. But getting involved in the business of
others - family and friends - isn’t always warranted
just because they have a different way of doing things.

Having an illusion of control gives us a sense of power
and can help us feel protected and safe. That’s a potent
pay-off! Who would want to give that up? But the need
for control causes us, and those around us, to suffer.
This suffering can result in feeling overwhelmed,
frustrated and self-righteous. It can lead to lost
friendships and relationships and is rarely sustainable.

Trying to be in control of what hasn’t unfolded yet -
the future - is a futile exercise. It’s isn’t worth the
level of stress it produces.

Stop Arguing with Reality

Have you ever told yourself, “I need to just let go of
that?” Were you able to do it easily? For most of us,
letting go is no small feat. You’re not sure how to let
go without feeling numb. Letting go doesn’t mean that
you no longer care; it means you’re not going to argue
with reality. You accept instead of deny. Letting go is
taking each day as it comes and looking for the good in
it. How we respond to events determines the outcome.

The next time you are tempted to take excessive control
of a situation, ask yourself these three questions:

• Do I really know what’s for my (or another’s)
  ultimate good?
• Who or what situation taught me to handle life this
  way?
• How can I look at this event differently to stop
  suffering and feel better?

While it’s important to know what we desire and to be
willing to take actions steps in alignment with our
goals, we cannot always know what is best for us.
My best,
Barbara

P.S. To learn more about how to how to stay fully
present when conversing with your kids, see
“Coach Your Teen to Success.”
(www.amazon.com)