Alexandra realized that her longtime friend Nicole was going through a rough patch that she perpetuated through a lack of looking within and doing anything to move forward. She also realized that this rough patch has lasted for their entire friendship. Nicole was usually a pseudo-happy self with all their other friends and complained about everything to Alexandra.

Alexandra decided that she would still be friends with Nicole, but on a more limited basis. She had to protect her own self and her own state of mind. At first it was difficult, very difficult. There was guilt and lots of it. But, she was so driven to change the relationship from a codependent one to a healthy one.

By limiting the frequency and durations of their phone calls and get-togethers, Alexandra was able to still be there for Nicole but without feeling resentful. At first Nicole seemed to be bothered and questioned Alexandra about why she was not more accessible. But, now three months later, the two have forged a new way of relating that has actually strengthened their friendship.

Boundaries work.

It’s important to stay strong when a friend is going through a tough time. By taking the time to nurture yourself and set boundaries on your time and emotions, you will prevent yourself from your own downward spiral.

So the next time a friend is going deeper in the ocean of stress and is trying to pull you in, visualize a sign that says: No diving.

After all, she needs you to stand firm on level ground and simply put out your hand. It’s really all the support she needs.

Nicole and Alexandra now share a mutually respectful friendship based on give and take. They were able to move away from unhealthy patterns and codependency and move towards a place of transformation and a healthy friendship. 

To Your Fulfillment,

Cara