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A week from now many of you will be taking that long (or short) trek to visit your family for Thanksgiving.  What comes up for you as you think of seeing your family again?  Warm fuzzy feelings of family togetherness, sharing a meal, and hanging out together or…. dread, jealousy, sadness, and a sense of loneliness as you travel by yourself to your family’s home? 

The latter is what I hear from many of my clients.  It’s not so Ozzy and Harriet as one might think.  The first feeling is dread- the anticipation of being among your coupled siblings and cousins.  Perhaps you know what’s coming, that insidious question from Aunt Sally, “So, any serious relationship in your life right now?”   Facing your family this year again as a single person may be uncomfortable for you.

The second feeling is jealousy.  You are jealous of your siblings and cousins who seem to have it all.  They are not struggling to meet someone and they have that person in their life that appears to have their back.  You are prettier and smarter than your sister Kate.   So why aren’t you married?   In addition, if you aspire to have a family, then it can be a double whammy.  It’s natural to be jealous of what others have that you desire. 

Sadness is the next feeling that may come up for you.  Again, there may be a sense of loss of what you don’t have anymore.  Perhaps you were married or in a serious relationship in years past that didn’t work out.  So you may be sad about not having that person or being a couple any more.

Last, you may feel very lonely among your family.  They just don’t understand you and your situation.  You wish they could be more supportive instead of asking, “Why isn’t a pretty girl like you married?” You know they mean well. 

One of my clients chose not to visit her family for Thanksgiving.  The 13 hour car trip would be too long and hard to travel by herself (the plane ride is too expensive at this time) and she realized that she would not get any quality time with her Mother who would be busy preparing the meal and taking care of everyone else.  She chose to stay in DC with her close friends.    When I asked her how she felt, she said the holidays were “depressing”.   She would be among her married siblings and she was 40 and hadn’t married.   She feels very comfortable with her decision not to go home.  She planned to see her Mother on another weekend where plane fares were more reasonable and she would have quality time with her.

The holiday visit with the family is not always doom and gloom for singles.  Some are at peace to be where they are in life.  They feel very happy to be among their family and enjoy their nieces and nephews.  I remember when I was divorced I felt relief that I didn’t have to share the holidays with my in-laws.  I didn’t have to travel to the Mid West during Christmas time.  I enjoy staying in DC and not dealing with the travel stresses.  I was among friends who became my family.  I saw my family on other occasions.  And, yes, it was difficult to be the only single (divorced) 30-something among my married brother and cousins. 

So what feelings do the holidays bring up for you?  How do you plan on helping yourself to have a joyous and comfortable holiday season?

This inquiring relationship coach wants to know your answers to these relationship questions!  

Your relationship coach,

Amy

PS.  To learn more about successful dating and get relationship help, tips and strategies, sign up at www.heartmindconnection.com for my free monthly ezine and tele-gathering (11/24 is the next one!).   Try a complimentary coaching session with life-relationship Coach Amy and author of Get It Right This Time- How to Find and Keep Your Ideal Romantic Relationship (www.GetItRightThisTime.com) and Motivated to Marry®.  Learn how to connect more fully with yourself so you can connect more successfully with others and find your true love relationship. 

For those who are interest in a tele-coaching group to help move your forward towards your goal of meeting a partner for a commited love relationship, look into www.GetLoveRight.com.  Save by signing up before the year’s end.