The Opposite of Giving
Susan Kim
In this season of giving. . . I want to say, it’s okay to receive as well.
So much of our lives we give and give and give - and there is definitely plenty of opportunity to exercise this muscle: as sisters, as volunteers, as mothers, as community members, as caregivers, as nurturers, as employees, as managers, as service providers, as compassionate people, as wives, as someone who simply empathizes.
And as the Holidays approach, most of you will be organizing parties, planning the gifts, coordinating the menus and giving more of your time and energy. It is fun. It is exciting. It is something you enjoy. It is an expression of your love.
But believe me when I say this - Others enjoy giving as well. . . and I’ll bet they’d love to give to YOU.
For some people, receiving is harder to do than giving.
Part of the reason is because “receiving” is associated with “taking,” ie the phrase give and take. Over time, “taking” has developed a negative connotation and in looking at the definition, I can see why:
“take - to seize or capture physically; to catch or attack through the effect of a sudden force or influence; to obtain or secure for use.”
It’s not a very friendly verb is it. When you take something, you’re seizing something by force.
In contrast we look at “receiving”:
“receive - to come into possession of: ACQUIRE; to permit to enter: ADMIT: WELCOME, GREET”
When you receive something, you’re allowing something (hopefully something positive) to enter your life.
Based on that, “receiving” is the natural counterpart to “giving.”
In fact, giving would scarcely exist without receiving.
So as you prepare for your fiesta of thanks, allow others to give . . .
Potlucks are cool
Family members help to set up
Friends help to clean up
Children organize the entertainment
So make others happy and allow them to give to you. . . and receive with grace and thanks, as is the spirit of the holiday.
Have a wonderful Holiday weekend!
Make Happiness Yours,
Susan
Susan’s daily goal is to laugh, be present and enjoy each moment without regret. Susan Kim Coaching, LLC is designed to support, educate and inspire women professionals to create better balance, accomplish more and live easier without compromising their career. Susan knows it is possible! Since 1994, Susan has been involved with business operations from development to management. Her business experience coupled with her educational background allow Susan to provide the support and guidance her clients need. Her clients feel more joy and start to take action from the very first session. Susan offers individual coaching, online services, group trainings and seminar presentations. She is a graduate of Cornell University (BS), Columbia University (MA) and Coach University (CUG). She has been honored as a nominee for the Maui County Mayor’s Small Business Award and is a recipient of the Pacific Business News Forty Under 40 Award which is given to Hawaii’s up and coming young business people. She has also been named by the SBA as a Home-Based Business Champion of the Year. Susan surfs and practices yoga as well as dabbling in photography, crafts, sewing and gardening. On her spare time she enjoys spending time with her family, which includes her husband, a cockatiel (Phineas) and a dog (Tia). Find out more at http://www.susankimcoaching.com.
December 2nd, 2008 at 4:28 pm
Actually, this is one of the primary reasons certain sects of Buddhist monks beg their food instead of growing it - along with teaching the monks humility and release of wealth, it also gives the local population a chance to practice compassion and generosity, thus improving their karma and their chances of moving up the reincarnation ladder. The monks see it as their holy duty to not only improve themselves, but to help others improve as well.
But man, it’s so hard for some people. My mom *hates* the holidays and for many years insisted that everyone leave her out of the festivities, mainly (I think) because she’s poor and feels bad about not being able to give, and because all the hoopla reminds her of how little she has.
I had to sit down with her one year and have a heart-to-heart to let her know that she was making the holiday experience miserable for the rest of the family (most notably the grandkids, who she really loves), because her insistence on not celebrating ran smack up against the family’s desire to give her gifts and include her in their celebrations.
We finally agreed on a compromise: To honor her feelings, she was not going to be expected to give gifts or otherwise initiate celebrations. But she had to honor everyone else’s feelings by gracefully receiving gifts and letting them include her in the festivities if they wanted to, because it meant a lot to them to do so.
Since then, the Grinch has failed to materialize for it’s annual Festivus rant, to the relief of all.
December 3rd, 2008 at 2:24 pm
Thanks for sharing the Buddhist monk story. . . I LOVE IT!
And the story about your mom. . . it reminds me of a research study done years ago. When asked who they like better: people who give them gifts (givers) or people who they give to (receivers), the study showed that the majority preferred the company of those they gave to!
Giving is so powerful, but it seems like receiving can have even a greater impact.
I’m going to go practice some (graceful) receiving!!! =)