The majority of the parents I coach have this in
common: they want their kids to have what’s “best.”
The specifics vary, but can take the shape of: the
best grades, schools, jobs, clothes, friends, mates,
educators, bosses, cars, health, and/or opportunities.

Often it all boils down to having a perfect life.
Oh, and we also want them to want what we want for
them! How are your goals for your teenagers working
out for you? Is it possible that you might want too
much for them?

The late Thomas Leonard, founder of the professional/
personal coaching movement (first in US and then abroad),
cautioned his coaches with these wise words:

“Never want more for your clients than they want for
themselves.”

This statement is also true for parents with teens.
As Parent Coaches, we know that we can only effect
change when your son or daughter is fully
committed to the goals you have for them.

>>>Signs that you could be wanting too much from your
teenage children<<<

Too Many Expectations.

Situation: You get stuck in the future, wanting
to anticipate all possible mistakes and protect your
kids from any detours or hurts. You want to solve
problems instead of collaboratively identify options.

Signs: Your child shuts you out. He or she feels
criticized, stifled and/or overwhelmed since you’re
coaching beyond his or her current level of ability
and commitment.

Solution: Ask them about their dreams. Be open to
adjusting your dreams in order to hold their visions
for them. Keep in mind, we really can’t know what’s
absolutely “right” for another person.

Too Much Talking.

Situation: You’re not seeing the progress you expected.
You repeat yourself in order to “fix” it, but nothing
changes. You get frustrated with your teens and lose
confidence in your parenting abilities.

Signs: Your teenager progresses slowly, if at all. He
or she acts out inappropriately in an effort to
satisfy his/her inner need for independence.

Solution: Step into the role of “coach.” Listen with
curiosity. If you’re thinking about your agenda when
someone is speaking, you’re not listening. Ask insightful
questions that generate a two-way conversation. This way
you both feel energized instead of depleted.

Are you Doing too Much?

As parents, we are accustomed to doing things for
our kids. When they don’t seem to be stepping up to
the plate, we feel the need to step in. Don’t do it.
Doing the work for your teenagers fosters dependency.
When you take-over, you automatically take on the
responsibility for the goal. You send the message
that they don’t have to be responsible. The more
you want something for them, the less room there
there is for your kids to “own” it.

Use a collaborative coaching model, such as our 7
CYTS steps, to effectively discuss options. This will
provide a good foundation from which to build. Then
provide resources when your emerging adults are ready
to receive them.

My best,
Barbara

P.S. For additional support on becoming a parent
coach and preparing your kids to make better
choices, refer to Coach Your Teen to Success.
(www.teenfrontier.com).