Barbara McRae, MCC, is a nationally recognized parent/teen expert and a career and life coach for students (teens and adults) looking to build a satisfying and successful future. As a former Fortune 500 Human Resources executive, she has been developing the careers of thousands of business owners, executives, middle managers, and all levels of young and seasoned professionals, in diverse industries for over 20 years. She is the best-selling author of Coach Your Teen to Success and host of Bridging the Gap radio show at BlogTalkRadio.
As we prepare for celebrating the 4th of July in the
US, it’s important to remember that no matter where
you live or who you are, you can choose to feel free. (more…)
New college graduates are finding the job market much
more welcoming than you might think. What a relief!
Here’s why:
1. More employers expect to hire new grads this year
than in 2008.
2. While the labor market in general is suffering,
there’s a great need to begin filling the holes left
by retiring baby boomers.
3. Talent is still in great demand, especially in the
areas of computer science, engineering, and marketing. (more…)
Spring is often associated with new growth and the
sweetness of new love. For teenagers it’s a time of
change and choices as they face finals and form new
social attachments. For parents the subject of dating
raises concerns about risky behaviors.
Do you remember the Smokey Robinson song: My Momma
Told Me, You’d Better Shop Around? Momma waited until
her son was of age before offering her advice. And
while shopping for who you think is the right guy
or girl rather than settling for who is currently
available is still good advice, the timeline has
changed.
The best time to provide your insights and guidance
is long before dating begins. Ideally you’ve talked
about how to distinguish between being “in love”
or “crushes” versus genuine love while your kids
are preteens. Then it’s much easier to keep the lines
of communication open during the later stages of
adolescence to further discuss intimacy in new
relationships.
Too often parents believe that if they talk about it
they’ll just be “planting ideas in a young person’s
head.” Not so. The opposite is true. Studies show
that parents who openly talk to their children about
how to date safe and foster healthy images of the
physicality of relationships increase the chances
that their kids will make smarter choices.
How to Talk About Dating
1. Acknowledge Your Own Discomfort
It’s natural to feel a bit awkward or fearful at first.
It’s OK to say, “This is new territory for me to be
talking with you about dating. So, please don’t be
too hard on me!”
2. Share Your Relationship Values
Mention some things you’ve learned along the way that
you wish you had known before you started dating. (Use
age appropriate examples). Ask what they already know
about relationships and be willing to fill in the gaps.
Ask: What do you think you need from your date to feel
safe and loved?
3. Foster a Two-Way Conversation
Listen fully and encourage dialog. Don’t be too alarmed
if you hear things that you don’t agree with. Teenagers
change their minds quickly and fall in and out of love
just as fast. Your responses will determine how much a
young person will share with you.
4. Set Reasonable Dating Rules
Discuss dating options: groups, double dating, or 1:1
dating. Be clear about your expectations and share your
reasons for ground rules. If you include the input of
your teenagers, they’ll be more likely to follow them.
Know who your child will be with; when and where they’re
going.
The Benefits of Teenage Dating
Parents can get blinded by all of the potential dangers,
that they lose sight of how dating profoundly aids the
developmental process in becoming a healthy adult. As
teens begin their “identity formation” during adolescence,
they develop a stronger “sense of self.” They begin to
understand their values and learn how this impacts their
friendships and relationships.
They learn how to respect and assert themselves in order
to maintain their individuality while being linked with
another person. They also learn about the joy of being a
team with shared goals.
Boys and girls will naturally shop for someone who meets
a need that they’re already familiar with. Dating helps
teens to become more familiar with themselves. It sheds
light on additional critical factors that need to be present
to make dating, and having a relationship, become a positive
experience.
My Momma Told Me, You’d Better Shop Around
Let your kids know that when they’re shopping, it really
isn’t a bargain if they’ve settled for something that just
doesn’t fit.
Encourage your kids to shop around. When you respectfully
communicate with your teenagers by building trust, and
fostering growth, you’ll be a positive influence. And
dating can become as worry-free as possible.
My best,
Barbara
P. S. For additional support for better communications,
preparing your kids to make better choices, refer to
Coach Your Teen to Success.
Or visit us at www.teenfrontier.com.
To help our kids have a healthy sense of what success
is, we need to be able to define success for ourselves.
Further, how we define success can aid or stand in the
way of it. Some people get stuck here because they confuse
life purpose with success. (more…)
The majority of the parents I coach have this in
common: they want their kids to have what’s “best.”
The specifics vary, but can take the shape of: the
best grades, schools, jobs, clothes, friends, mates,
educators, bosses, cars, health, and/or opportunities. (more…)
According to the American College Health Association,
stress is the number one life issue that students
say affects their studies. (more…)
Alex, a sophomore in high school, is an honor roll
student, a valuable player on the golf, soccer, and
tennis teams, popular, good-looking and miserable.
He likes being a winner and wants to excel in
everything but as his classes are getting harder,
he’s losing control. (more…)
Plants are a lot like people. They have individual
needs; one size does not fit all. Just as experienced
gardeners have a successful track-record growing
healthy plants, savvy parents know how to “grow”
happy humans. Learning how to tell what your plant
(child) needs, will help you trouble-shoot. (more…)
A few days ago I attended a Laughter Workshop
sponsored by the American Society of Training
and Development (ASTD). For years laughter work-
shops were targeted for cancer patients; now (more…)
You want to have less stress in your life, right?
To help you do that, begin by noticing that much
of our stress has to do with wanting “things” to
be different! Take a look at these examples: (more…)
