Encourage your children to think things through and weigh the potential consequences of their actions. Share with them your reasons for saying no to a request (avoid the standard “because I am the parent”). For example, “I don’t want you going to the movies tonight because it is a school night and I want you to do your homework and get to bed on time.” There may be times that you negotiate and find a compromise, but don’t be afraid to stick to your decision if you feel strongly about it.

If you are not satisfied with the type or amount of communication with your children, start implementing these ideas. Healthy communication in a family leads to strong family bonds and better self-esteem and confidence in children. Good communication skills take some time to develop, but the rewards are worth it!

After reading this 4 part series, how has your communication style changed?  What changes are you noticing in your family’s communication patterns?

Until next month…

Kirsten

While it is best to set the foundation for healthy communication in the early years, it is never too late to employ good communication skills. Many parents of teenagers wonder why their teen is not talking to them about big life issues like sex, drugs, and relationships. If the atmosphere for communicating has not been established, then the teens will be reluctant to talk about such difficult subjects. Parents need to start having more casual, but positive conversations with their teens. They need to build trust and set the stage for deeper conversations.

Do your teens avoide talking to you?  If not, what did you do to set the stage for deeper conversations?

Next week, I will wrap up this series on developing healthy communication with your kids.

Create a great week!

Kirsten

It is important to encourage young children to try new things and praise them for their efforts. When you praise their efforts versus the results, you help build their confidence. For example, when your child brings home a good report card you can say “I am so proud of your hard work. I know you put a lot of effort into your school work, how do you feel about your results?” If you praise only the results, the child believes that she/he is loved only when they perform to your standards. This may set them up for a life limited by a fear of failure. Encourage them by accentuating their positives. Ask your child what they liked best about their school day. Or ask them what activities they enjoy the most. Make this type of communication your priority when you talk with your kids.

How much of the time do you engage in positive communication versus negative communication?  What do you think about this idea?  Do you have suggestions to help others?

Next week, I will share more tips to help you praise your children effectively. 

Create a great week!

Kirsten

Healthy communication starts with the parents. It is your responsibility to teach your children how to communicate effectively. It is up to you to create an atmosphere in your home that is conducive to conversations. The best way to do this is to respect your children (including their thoughts, opinions, and emotions) and to listen to them. Increase the number of positive exchanges with your kids so they feel loved and valued. When you follow these guidelines for healthy communication you will be surprised by how much your children have to say!

How is the communication in your house?  Have you created an atmospher that is conducive to conversations?

If you have spotted some trouble, don’t worry… next week, we will continue to explore tips for developing healthy communication with your kids.

Create a great week!

Kirsten

While anger management techniques are great skills to learn, the best way to deal with anger problems is to process and release the anger that is brewing and festering inside of you. This requires dedicated personal growth work. If you feel you have a mountain of anger inside, then you may want to seek the help of a psychologist or life coach.

Start by journaling so you can identify the issues from your past for which you are still harboring anger. Write about the times in the past when your anger got the best of you. Write about your feelings. Once you have written about a past event, evaluate your current level of anger about this issue. Use a scale from 0 to 10 (0 is no anger and 10 is full on rage). If you score anything above a 1 or 2, then you need to process this event and your feelings. Working through this anger often requires forgiveness work so you can let go and move on. You may need to talk to the person you are still angry with and let them know how you feel. If that’s not possible, try writing a letter to express your feelings to the person (you can send the letter or destroy it).

After some hard work, I finally reached a point that I no longer lose my temper. I still get angry, but I handle my anger appropriately and don’t let it build up. With some time and effort you too can reach this point. You can learn to feel and express your anger in a healthy way.

You know that feeling. When you feel the anger building up and you are just about to blow your stack or lose your temper. Most people experience this at some point in their lifetime. The problem is when this happens regularly and/or if it becomes violent. Anger itself is not a problem. Appropriate anger can help us take action to change a situation for the better or to protect our boundaries. The way we deal with and express the anger can be problematic. Using our anger to lash out and hurt others – emotionally, mentally, or physically – it not acceptable behavior.

While there are certainly incidents that can trigger anger, the real problem is the anger that builds up inside you. Here’s an analogy: if you squeeze an orange, you get orange juice. What comes out when you get squeezed or your buttons get pushed? If the answer is a lot of anger or rage, then you have some housecleaning to do. If anger isn’t processed or released properly, it will build up in you like steam in a pressure cooker – ready to blow any minute. Even the smallest things can then elicit anger and rage. Think about the idea that 90% of your reaction to a current situation is related to the past and only 10% is about the current situation.

You can’t please everyone. Most people who are afraid of public speaking believe that they need to please the entire audience. That is a daunting task! Your purpose is to deliver the message that you are meant to deliver. If someone falls asleep or leaves early, don’t fret. Remember you are not trying to please the entire audience. I have a routine that I do before every presentation. I borrowed this idea from Wayne Dyer (I think he borrowed it from Ram Dass). Before every presentation I make, I take a few minutes to relax and close my eyes. I repeat the following mantra several times – “How may I serve?” I set my intention to deliver a message that resonates with my audience. Over time I have come to trust this process so I am able to get my ego out of the way and allow the words to flow.

Keep it simple. You only need to have 2 or 3 main points. If you try to cover more than that you will lose your audience. Choose the most important aspects of your topic and then fill in with some detail to support your main points. Avoid cramming too much information and details into your talk or you will bore your audience. Don’t try to hide behind your facts and numbers. Share personal stories to illustrate your points when appropriate – this will help you connect with the audience.

Finally, visualize yourself giving your presentation confidently and successfully. In your mind’s eye run through the presentation and see yourself speaking clearly and effectively. Make this image as vivid as you can by bringing in all of your senses. Run through this imagery as many times as possible before your presentation. Your body and mind will respond and you will find yourself more relaxed and confident when it comes time to deliver your speech.

Try these simple ideas next time you have to deliver a speech or give a presentation. With consistent practice, these techniques will help you become a more confident and effective speaker. And, who knows, you may even learn to enjoy public speaking.

Keep it real. It is important to be genuine and authentic during a presentation. When you are true to yourself you will be better able to connect with the audience. If you are nervous, try admitting it up front rather than trying to hide it. Remember that your audience is filled with people who share the same fear. They will likely empathize with you and cheer you on. I remember the first time I tried this – as soon as I mentioned that I was nervous, I immediately felt more relaxed. Being authentic also means finding your own style of speaking. Play with different styles and methods to see what feels right to you. Don’t try to mimic someone else – just be yourself.

In addition to mood and the above medical uses, there is promising evidence and theories about the effect of color on our energy system. There are practitioners (color therapists, massage therapists, energy workers, etc) who use color therapy frequently to assist with healing. Many of these professionals base their treatments on the idea that the body has 7 major energy centers – also known as chakras. Chakras are known as whirling vortices of energy. While the chakra system comes from ancient Indian medical systems, there is modern research to support the existence of the chakras.

Researcher Valerie Hunt discovered that certain areas of the body have very rapid energy oscillations – up to 1600 cycles per second (as contrasted with 0 to 100 cycles per second in the brain, 225 in the muscles, and 250 in the heart). The areas with these high-energy oscillations correspond to the 7 major energy centers or chakras. In addition, scientists have found that there are areas along the spine where the molecules of emotion (serotonin, norepinephrine, dopamine, etc.) are most dense. These areas also correspond to the 7 chakras. Each of these energy centers has also been shown to have different frequency ranges or colors (the 7 colors of the rainbow).

The first chakra, or root chakra, is located at the base of the spine and its color is red. It is associated with the sense of safety and security and it connects us with the earth. The second chakra is located in the area of your reproductive organs and is orange. It is the center of creativity, sexuality, and relationships. The third chakra, located just above the belly button, is the center of self-esteem and personal power. Its color is yellow. The heart chakra is the fourth energy center. This chakra is green and is our center of love and intimacy. The fifth chakra, with the color blue, is located around the throat and is our communication center. Next is the brow chakra, which is indigo. It is associated with intuition and imagination. Finally, the crown chakra is the energy center that connects us with the Divine or source energy. Its color is violet.

To help balance the chakras and enhance health and wellness, simply visualize each one chakra filled with the appropriate color and hold the intention to bring balance to the area. Start at the 1st chakra and make your way to the 7th. The colors of the chakras go in the order of the rainbow. Think of the acronym ROY G BIV. Red. Orange. Yellow. Green. Blue. Indigo. Violet. Do this imagery a couple of times each day for the best results.

Other methods of color therapy include the use of colored silk scarves placed on the body, chromotherapy bathtubs, colored glasses, colored lights, and colored stones. Some massage therapists and energy medicine practitioners will use some of these color therapy techniques to help you feel better and perhaps get healthier. As more practitioners use color therapy and more research is conducted, color therapy will become more of a mainstream treatment. I believe there is enough evidence (research and anecdotal) now to try it out. Let the colors in your life boost your mood and health!

Until next week…

Kirsten

Western medicine remains a bit skeptical about color therapy in general; however, there is at least one well-established and common use of color therapy in western medicine. Blue lights are used to treat infants with neonatal jaundice. The blue light helps reduce the bilirubin levels and ward off serious health complications.

There are some indications that blue light may also be helpful for rheumatoid arthritis, healing injured skin, and preventing the formation of scar tissue. Other evidence suggests that blue light can help with anxiety, eating disorders, addictions, and depression. More research is needed for these appliecations to become well-established treatments.

According to the Women’s Health Institute of Texas, red contact lenses are used to treat migraines. Red contact lenses don’t block out the red wavelength – they block almost everything else but red. These contact lenses have been applied at the start of migraines with very promising results. The Women’s Health Institute reports that many patients experience rapid pain relief and some experience complete remission of the migraine in a short time! They claim the red contact lenses are more effective than red-tinted glasses, but until they become more widely available you might try ordering some red tinted glasses to use at the start of your migraines (with permission from your doctor).

Next week we will look at the use of color in energy medicine.

Create a great week!

Kirsten