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How would your conversations change if the questions you asked made people stop and say, “Wow, I never thought about it that way before.”

About the Expert:
Dr. Joseph Umidi is the Senior Director of New Life Ministries International and Founder and President of Lifeforming Leadership Coaching, Inc., the largest Christian Coach Training ministry world-wide. He has authored numerous articles and books dealing with Church, Organizational, and Personal Transformation, and is working in community and international transformation strategies with several ministry organizations. Learn more about his work at www.lifeformingcoach.com.

One of my clients, we’ll call her JoAnn, has two teenagers.
She asked me to help her say “No” calmly. She tends to avoid
any kind of possible conflict, and when she is faced with one,
she gets highly stressed, belaboring the point until the
message is lost.

It’s natural that a conflict can arise when someone wants
you to say “Yes” and you say “No.” This is especially the
case with teenagers that haven’t yet learned how to be
respectful of your role as parent-coach. In this role, you
have the responsibility to choose what’s best given the
situation at hand.

For example, if you give in to your underage teen’s request
to make beer or wine available for a party they’re having,
you’d be seen as a pushover. Teens don’t respect pushovers
even when they end up getting what they want. Further, you’d
be shirking your parental duties. If you refuse the request,
be prepared for complaints, including “You never let me do
anything. I hate you!” Here’s how you can minimize the
friction.

The best strategy I’ve found is known as the “sandwich”
technique. It consists of three statements. (1) Acknowledge
the other person’s statement (viewpoint). This validates
them and they feel heard which allows for more willingness
to hear you.(2) State the reason for your refusal and the
reason why you will not or cannot comply with your teen’s
wishes. (3) Add what you will do instead or can say to ease
their disappointment.

EXAMPLE:

1. I know you think it would be a lot more fun to have booze
at your party. And that you want me to get it for you.

2. I have an obligation as a parent to keep you safe and not
contribute to illegal activity. I’d rather have you think of
me as being over-protective than to go along with you and
then live with the guilt if someone ended up getting killed
as a result of drinking and driving at your party.

3. It’s important for us to responsible. I know you care about
your friends and wouldn’t want anything like that to happen
to them.

Keep your statements short. Lecturing teens doesn’t work. A
calm, caring tone and a centered disposition will help you
effectively deliver this message. If you start to lose command
of your emotions, stop talking. Excuse yourself, terminating
the conversation until you regroup.

If your teen is still not hearing your message, use the
“broken record” technique. You simply repeat your message
lovingly during your dialog, as often as it takes for your
message to stick.

Know that you’ve been successful when the words leave your
mouth. Don’t expect your teens to give you the satisfaction
of agreeing with you. That’s much more likely to happen when
they’re in their twenties!

Best-

Barbara
The Savvy Success Coach

www.teenfrontier.com

P. S. For additional support refer to Coach Your Teen to
Success.

How would your conversations change if you were able to go beyond the surface and hear what is being communicated from the heart and soul?

About the Expert:
Dr. Joseph Umidi is the Senior Director of New Life Ministries International and Founder and President of Lifeforming Leadership Coaching, Inc., the largest Christian Coach Training ministry world-wide. He has authored numerous articles and books dealing with Church, Organizational, and Personal Transformation, and is working in community and international transformation strategies with several ministry organizations. Learn more about his work at www.lifeformingcoach.com.

How are you??  How are you feeling? What are you noticing during these past days and weeks?

If you’re like me, you’ve tapped full force into the powerful energies at work in our universe right now.  While I’m no expert on the subject, the pronounced effects of the energetic shifts all around us have sent waves of emotion, confusion, and questions all through my being.

It seems like everywhere I go, I’m in conversation with people in a similar place — particularly women entrepreneurs on a spiritual path.  It almost feels, in some ways, like myself and others are finally crying “UNCLE!” We’ve tried the old systems of living, business, and success, and it seems the old ways no longer work — nor do they feel authentic or satisfying in any real way.

This is how I feel anyway.

That’s, in part, why I decided to do the 3-Month Simplicity Experiment, (read more about it at http://worldchangingbusiness.wordpress.com/2009/07/27/3-month-simplicity-experiment), where I have been…

1.  Eliminating everything from my life that isn’t fully aligned with my deepest desire
2.  Adding at least one day per week of unscheduled time for creative play
3.  Taking a break from will power
4.  Following my bliss
5.  Discovering my authentic creative cycle

This process, along with the simultaneous powerful energetic shifts at hand, have opened up so much for me — both clarity and confusion — about what I’m here to do, the person I am, and where my authentic path is leading me.

As I continue to journey into the unknown, the one thing that has remained clear is the steadying importance of having a consistent connection to Spirit.

This is why I’ve decided to take the Manifestation Mastery Journey eProgram myself.  (http://www.worldchangingbusiness.com/ManifestationMastery.html)

On Monday, September 14th, I will officially begin the Manifestation Mastery Journey myself, and as I begin, I invite you to join me on this day of profound initiation into the unknown…

WHAT:  GETTING STARTED ON YOUR JOURNEY
WHEN:  September 14, 2009
TIME:  12 PM EDT
BRIDGE:  219-509-8333
ACCESS CODE:  690292#
INVESTMENT:  F*R*E*E (except any long distance phone charges that may apply)

This call will give you the opportunity to declare your own journey within, and step powerfully into the direction that Spirit is calling you.

On the call, you will also be given the opportunity to join me along my personal journey of expansion, as I take the first step into the Manifestation Mastery Journey.  I will share with you more about what this journey means to me personally. — What my personal goals and aspirations are, as well as the challenges I face in the days and weeks ahead. I intend to get deep and personal with you, with the intention of opening doors to your own personal journey within.

Also, I will ANNOUNCE ON THE CALL AN INCREDIBLE F*R*E* BONUS that will put the journey completely over the edge of excitement, support, and total immersion into your Authentic Path. (Hint:  You and I will have the opportunity to meet together live, in an intimate, personal way, at no additional fee.)

EVEN IF YOU CHOOSE NOT TO TAKE THE FULL JOURNEY WITH ME, you won’t want to miss Monday’s call, as it will set you powerfully into your own journey — wherever it leads.

In the weeks ahead, as I ingest each of the 14 modules of the Manifestation Mastery eProgram, I will be sharing my personal discoveries and insights here on this blog.

In addition, to facilitate our journey together, I will also be holding a series of live calls where we can share, connect, and support one another.

You won’t want to miss out on this extraordinary opportunity of awakening, discovery, and unfolding.

Again, join me on Monday, September 14th, at 12 PM for an unforgettable commencement of our mutual journey within.

Love and light,
Coco

Welcome back to the Remodel Your Reality Challenge!  There are five primary needs that everyone has in common: The need for security, the need for connection, the need to be autonomous, the need to feel competent, and the need to feel worthy. Each of these needs is a core part of human nature. Today’s post is going to focus on the need for connection.

Your need for connection manifests itself as a need to experience a sense of relatedness, to belong to a community, or to experience intimacy with another person. At its root, this drive dates back to our tribal ancestors. In tribal terms, your very survival depended upon your inclusion in the group. Tribal members ate, slept, and received protection as a result of being part of a unified structure. Rejection by the clan was equivalent to death.

One Thing To Think About
The need for connection can manifest in a number of different ways, including the need to include and be included, the need to love and be loved, the need to accept and be accepted, and the need to create a sense of community. When your need for belonging and connection is satisfied, you will feel an incredible sense of well-being.

One Question To Answer
What makes you feel connected? How are you currently meeting that need? Is there room for you to improve upon your current methods? Consider how you might enhance your current approach and enjoy an even greater sense of relatedness.

One Challenge To Take

1. Define the method you’ve adopted to satisfy your need for connectedness.

2. Identify at least one empowering and one disempowering behavior related to this need.

3. Consider how you might make the disempowering strategy more positive. How could you shift your approach while still meeting your need?

4. Commit to integrating this improvement into your life.

Until next time, take care!
Kim

What would change for you if every single one of your conversations served to reach out to and uplift the heart and soul of the other person?

About the Expert:
Dr. Joseph Umidi is the Senior Director of New Life Ministries International and Founder and President of Lifeforming Leadership Coaching, Inc., the largest Christian Coach Training ministry world-wide. He has authored numerous articles and books dealing with Church, Organizational, and Personal Transformation, and is working in community and international transformation strategies with several ministry organizations. Learn more about his work at www.lifeformingcoach.com.

I went to a childbirthing class over the weekend. Lots of information - some new and some a verification of what I already knew. And some were both! (I always knew that women have to dilate 10 cms before the pushing starts, however, I had never actually SEEN what 10 cms looks like. Truly a jaw dropping moment!)

I appreciated one exercise in particular - the massage. What was interesting about THIS massage (more…)

Welcome back to the Remodel Your Reality Challenge!  A key part of time and schedule management is the clear-minded evaluation of the opportunities that come your way. Ideally, your priorities will help you make decisions about what to commit your time to. When considering a new opportunity, evaluate whether or not the invitation sounds interesting to you. If it doesn’t, reserve the right to say no!

One Thing To Think About
There are two keys to keeping your opportunity load on track and reflecting your priorities:

1. Reserve the Right to Think About It – Instead of immediately agreeing or saying no to any type of invitation you receive, decide that you will not commit to anything on the spot. Instead, when you receive a request or invitation, let the requester know that you’ll need to check your schedule and get back to him or her. This allows you to thoughtfully evaluate the situation and provides you with a buffer in the event that you decide to decline.
2. Do Away with Elaborate Excuses – Remember this maxim from the Oprah Winfrey show: “No is a complete sentence.” The next time someone asks you to take on a project or attend an event that doesn’t support your priorities, simply respond with “No, I can’t do that, but thank you for thinking of me.” Breathe deeply to quiet your thundering heart and move on to another topic of conversation.

One Question To Answer
When considering a commitment or opportunity, ask yourself these questions: Does this opportunity fit in with my priorities? If not, does it detract from them? If you feel that the opportunity fits within your priorities, and it’s interesting, consider committing yourself. Make sure to understand why you find the opportunity exciting, and clarify any expectations the inviting party will have of you once you throw your hat into the ring.

One Challenge To Take
Pledge yourself from a clear and positive place. If you feel any misgivings about saying yes, stop! From this point on, decide that you will only make commitments that compliment your priorities and feel good to you.

• Identify at least five commitments or scheduled activities that are wasting your valuable time. Examples could include volunteering for an organization you no longer enjoy, running errands for others, attending social events with people you don’t care for, participating in water cooler gossip, or failing to commit your day to activities that are important to you.
• Name your alternative. Could one of your priority areas move into the timeslot that one of your time wasters currently occupies? List the five commitments you would prefer to make in place of your current time wasters.
• Conclude your commitment to non-priority activities. If the item is a one-time engagement, contact the host or requestor and let him or her know you have a conflict. If your commitment is ongoing in nature, let your contact person know you cannot participate any longer.
• Schedule something from your priority list into the open time that appears as a result of allowing yourself to say no.

Every time you make a decision to say yes to one thing, you are saying no to multiple others simultaneously. You may not be aware of this, but it is fact. Until you are able to say no to the demands and requests of others, you will never be able to say yes to you.

Ultimately, it is better to disappoint the requester whom you will not remember forty years from now, than to look back at your life and realize that the person you disappointed was yourself.

Until next time, take care!
Kim