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Welcome back to the Remodel Your Reality Challenge!  Time management is a subject that many women struggle with. In the Remodel Your Reality program, there are four rules to effective and empowering time management: Be Authentic, Place Yourself on Your List, Know Your Own Worth, and Say Goodbye to Takers.

One Thing To Think About
You will succeed or fail at time management based on your willingness to consistently invest your time in support of the priorities you’ve established. This becomes possible when you remove requests and commitments that fall outside of your priority structure. In short, this means you’re going to have to get very good at saying the dreaded “n” word—no.

One Question To Answer
Do you have trouble saying no to others? Due to the desire to avoid disappointing others and their aversion to feeling uncomfortable, many women do. To preserve your time for things that matter to you, you must be willing to experience temporary discomfort. This requires dedication to the focused management of your schedule and calls for you to develop the courage to risk upsetting or disappointing others.

One Challenge To Take
Integrate the Four Rules of Time Management into your daily life. Use them as a guide star to give you direction and keep you on the track you want to take.

1. Be Authentic – Your priority list must reflect what you authentically hold in esteem versus what you believe should be important to you. Be honest when creating your priority blueprint. It can serve you, acting as a compass to support you in making decisions about where to invest your time and energy. If you don’t define your list based on your truth, you will be living someone else’s. I know you don’t want that reality or you wouldn’t be reading this book. Creating a list based on what you believe is expected of you, or out of fear about what others might think of you, is a recipe for stress and failure.
2. Place Yourself on Your List – When you commit to taking care of yourself, you become more powerfully able to take care of everyone else in your life. While you may feel an initial resistance to placing yourself on your own list, believing it would be selfish to do so, I strongly encourage you to invest in taking care of you. When you do, you will be able to give more to every area of your life. I challenge you to take care of yourself at least as well as you take care of everyone else!
3. Know Your Own Worth – If you don’t believe you’re worthy of acceptance and friendship, you will try to earn your way into both. The fear of unworthiness is at the root of many unproductive behaviors, such as accepting invitations you aren’t interested in, agreeing to requests that don’t compliment your priorities, and taking on responsibilities that detract from your own well-being. The disease to please may not kill you, but it will significantly detract from the quality of your life.
4. Say Goodbye to Takers – If you’ve been living as a pleaser, there are undoubtedly takers around you. A taker is a person who uses your time, energy, money, and resources without giving anything back in return. I liken these individuals to parasites, and they will begin to disappear when you start saying no. Make a commitment to stand your ground and invest yourself in only those requests that meet your priorities or interest you. Prepare yourself in advance to decline invitations or requests that don’t. Anticipate the inevitable shedding of the takers in your life and celebrate the opening you’re creating for a higher quality of person to enter in their place.

Until next time, take care!

Kim

What would be possible if all of your relationships were built on the righteousness and love of God Himself?

About the Expert:
Candice Smithyman is founder of Dream Mentors, International. Candice is the author of the newly released (May 2006) book, “His Sufficiency for my Authenticity: 8 Keys to Authentic Relationship with God and Others,” which helps readers focus on eight key characteristics of Christ’s sufficiency that can lead to a more real and authentic relationship with Him and with the others in their lives. You can learn more about her work at http://dreammentors.org.

Welcome back to the Remodel Your Reality Challenge! Today we’re going to tackle the fourth and final cause of emotional energy drain – dealing with the unacceptable actions of others.

One Thing To Think About
Human beings thrive on interaction. The most beautiful experiences we’ll have in our lives will likely involve our connection with others. Unfortunately, some of the most difficult or traumatic experiences in our lives become part of our experience as a result of our interaction with other people.

An unacceptable behavior is an improper or inappropriate action, directed at you by another person, that causes you to have a negative emotional response. Examples of an unacceptable behavior include a family member snubbing you at an event, a co-worker spreading a rumor about you at the office, or a friend repeatedly standing you up when you commit to seeing each other.

One Question To Answer
Where are you allowing the unacceptable actions of others to drain your emotional energy?  Take inventory of the people in your life and the experiences that stand out for you. If you discover that you have unresolved emotions around a person or event, move through the six-step model below to support you in reaching closure.

One Challenge To Take
Six-step process for dealing with the unacceptable actions of others.

Step One: Describe the event or experience. What happened, and why isn’t this okay?

Step Two: Connect with your emotions. How did this experience make you feel?

Step Three: Identify what needs to happen for you to feel finished with your experience. Do you need to have a conversation with the person? Do you want an apology? Do you simply need to connect with your own emotions?

Step Four: Get clear about your resolution path. If the situation involves another person, do you want him or her in your life or would you like to end the relationship? Do you feel a need to talk with the person about the incident, or would you prefer to put your feelings down on paper?

Step Five: Allow yourself to fully feel the emotions that exist at the core of this issue. Let yourself be angry. Let yourself be sad. Many times, an emotion needs to be fully felt before you can let it go. Give yourself permission to experience and release your emotions.

Step Six: Take action. Write the letter. Have the meeting. Do whatever you feel you need to do to reach closure.

In some instances, a repetitively inappropriate person may need to be removed from your life. In other instances, the person you’ve communicated with may work to change his or her behavior. The outcome of your acknowledgement and communication is much less important than your willingness to reclaim your emotional reserves.
Until next time, take care!
Kim

The tragic passing of Michael Jackson at the age of 50 has hit us baby boomers very hard.  Here was a talented person who reached the pinnacle of his profession as one of the greatest entertainers of all time.  However, we all know that he was not a happy person.

He had trouble maintaining a relationship with a woman and admitted to leading a very lonely life.  One could say that he died of loneliness.  As human beings we need companionship.  Love sustains us and keeps us feeling needed, safe and whole.  We have a richer life because of it when we have love that is nurturing and healthy.

It’s a shame that Michael did not have a chance to get love right.  Sometimes it takes us many years to truly know oneself and what makes us happy, as well as, to have the capacity to accept someone in our lives.  Then, we need to go out and find that person we truly yearn for.  That can take time, much effort and our financial resources.  We may get caught up in “life”- our job, helping our family members or just staying busy with activities.  We may stay away from dating to avoid the pain of rejection.  And yet, if we want to find love we have to stay focused and not give up during the dating process with the hope of one day we will meet that someone special.

So what can you take away from the loss of such an unfortunate person who seemed to have it all?   What do you want to do for yourself today to bring love into your life?  What needs to change in us to make that happen?   And can you afford to sit on the sidelines?

This inquiring relationship coach wants to know your answers to these relationship questions and any comments you may have on this subject.

Your relationship coach,

Amy

P.S. Let me help you as your relationship coach to move you forward with your goal of finding the right love relationship.  I am currently forming a group for the next 10 week Get Love Right Tele-coaching group starting in late September.  Sign up by July 31 and get an additional one on one coaching session-a $225 value! Go to www.GetLoveRight.com to sign up.  Limited space is available- commit yourself to finding your desired romantic relationship now!    Also, you can download a free chapter of relationship advice from my book, Get It Right This Time-How to Find and Keep Your Ideal Romantic Relationship at www.GetItRightThisTime.com.

Breaking up is hard to do. And divorce can be one of the single most life-altering events in a woman’s life. But you can recover from life changing relationship meltdowns, and even prosper. It’s all about taking back your life, and getting it back on track.

To learn about ways to ditch the divorce doldrums, check out From Divorce to Your Dream Life at Betty Confidential. Start taking back your life today!

On a recent trip I watched “He’s Just Not That Into You” on the plane. It’s an entertaining movie with some good knee-slapping scenes and a lot of “oh no he didn’t!” moments. The movie starts off with a scene of a little girl getting knocked over by a boy at a playground. A well meaning parent chides, “It’s okay. He does those things because he likes you,” which sets off the life long challenge of misread signs, dating jerks and tolerating bad behavior. (more…)

This weekend my husband and I are celebrating with our families an important milestone in our lives.   It’s our son’s first birthday!  A baby’s birthday- why is that so important?  Because we have achieved triumph over much adversity!  We tried to conceive for 5 years.  Just two years ago there was no baby in the picture and I couldn’t even imagine this day ever being here.  Do you ever feel that way about your life?

Can you imagine yourself in a serious love relationship or even marriage a year or two from now?  Stranger things have happened!

Think about the milestones in your life:  high school graduation, college graduation, graduate school, your first job, your first real relationship, perhaps your first marriage or the birth of a child or children.  I am sure when you were in the middle of the road to that accomplishment, there were doubts and fear.  In college you may have thought, “Will I ever graduate?”  It felt like a monumental task.  Yet, you eventually did!

Why is it important to look back at your milestones?  Here are some reasons:

1. To see where you have come from
2. To see how far you have come
3. To acknowledge your accomplishments
4. To give you the confidence to know that if you put your mind and energies towards it, you can achieve your hopes and dreams.

Today we are celebrating my son’s first birthday.   This is a huge milestone for us.  The first year of having a baby is a rough one.  He is now a happy, adorable boy.

On to the next milestone: Kindergarten graduation!

So what milestones in your life do you want to celebrate today?  What are in middle of that seems like a monumental achievement for you right now?  How can I help you get there?

This inquiring relationship coach wants to know your answers to these relationship questions and any comments you may have on this subject.

Your relationship coach,

Amy

P.S. You can join my free tele-class on Monday 5/29 at 9 EST pm on “Critical Relationship Skills for a Thriving Relationship”.  Sign up at www.heartmindconnection.com/telegatherings.html .

P.S.S.  Get your relationship questions answered!  Subscribe to my email notifications for helpful dating and relationship advice and tips to move you forward towards your goal of meeting a partner for a committed serious relationship or to enhance your existing love relationships at www.heartmindconnection.com .  Sign up for my next tele-gathering at www.heartmindconnection.com/telegatherings.html .   Also, you can download a free chapter of relationship advice from my book, Get It Right This Time-How to Find and Keep Your Ideal Romantic Relationship at www.GetItRightThisTime.com.

This story proves that the power of creating our body image revolution lies in social media! Case in point: I met this wonderful, vibrant , fully alive gynecologist named Dr. Lissa Rankin on Twitter. Dr. Lissa is a gem, and one of those women who has mastered using both the left and right sides of her brain. She is amazing… did I tell you just how great I think she is? :)

Lissa has created a community called Owning Pink. (You may also know Lissa from her work with Betty Confidential.com and College Candy.com. )

She contacted me because she felt we were sisters of PINKY POWER - both dedicated to helping women learn to love and own their bodies. We simply fell in love and a lifelong friendship has begun - from one single Twitter post! Yes, Twitter!

Lissa is a huge OnePinky fan, and she and I will be holding a workshop in September in Northern CA (you cannot miss it) called “Owning Your Body” and we want all of our Owning Pink and OnePinky sisters to join us!

Listen to what Owning Pink and OnePinky gals have to say about these programs:

“The past year has been a journey of discovery for me. I learned more about who I am and how I want to live my life than I ever imagined was possible. Never had I dreamt that there was so much depth to the universe and so much simplicity all the same. I go through each day with the philosophy that ‘thoughts become things.’ Therefore I simply have to imagine what it is that I want for myself and my life, visualize it, feel it, put an action in place that corresponds with my desires and anything I want is truly possible.”
–Megan of Owning Pink

“The big mental shift I have had since the joining OnePinky.com is the glorious realization that my body is a temple. It is loving, efficient vessel that holds all that is me. After that, health is pretty much a given. Prior to OnePinky.com or attending one of free Laura’s teleclasses on the phone, I took everything about my body for granted. Now it is simply a priority and feel today that it always will be, even though I am still young. I am back to working out regularly because regular exercise and conscious eating are important to and for my temple. Emotionally, there has been an awakening of the knowing that I am beautiful just as I am. NOW. Period. All the time. This prompts me to continually affirm this in my mind and heart. As a result, I AM more Free, Open, Peaceful and happy about my body. There is less judgment, pressure and comparing myself to other women. Whatever path my body is currently on is the right one for me. The time for my heart and body is NOW. Thank you Laura. You are a love.”
–Jennifer of OnePinky

Body Love, Pinky Power… Body Image Revolution… a Love Fest… I am blessed… to live in a time when we can connect at such rapid rates… and blend and support and hold one another’s work and movements.

If you’d like to help get the word out about OnePinky on Twitter, please feel free to do so here! Or tweet @LissaRankin …

Pinky Power! Pinky Promise! Owning Pink! YES!

OnePinky sister, Sara, recently wrote this testimony in honor of Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender Pride Month and I wanted to share it with you all:

I like to say that I’m straight, but not narrow. I’m married to a man, but I can appreciate the curves of a woman just as much as I can the broad torso of a man. I might have a crush on Will Smith—but I’ve also had a little thing going for Rosario Dawson for a while (yes, Seven Pounds just made my entire year). And while I’m all for getting married if you want to—or not if you don’t!—for straight couples, I’m completely the same for gay and lesbian couples, too.

In other words, I’m straight but not narrow-minded.

My husband and I think we’re pretty warped people. We are completely in love with President Obama (whom our three-year-old is also smitten with; she even has his trading cards). We believe in science over organized religion—but believe that personal faith, as long as it’s separate from the government, is A-OK. We think it’s cool for boys to kiss boys, boys to kiss girls, girls to kiss girls, and kids to kiss dogs. (But kids shouldn’t kiss turtles. I hear there’s a salmonella risk.)

Why does this have to be “warped,” though? (Besides the fact that it’s a cool word.)

Why do we have to feel so out of place smack in the middle of the Bible belt, attending family reunions filled with country-music crooning and hillbilly hollering and glares and jeers at our bumper stickers and offhand remarks about anyone who isn’t white, straight and a follower of Jesus?

Instead of warped, shouldn’t our views be the norm? More and more states are ratifying gay marriage (what the heck is up with you, California?), and we finally have a President who believes in stem cell research and does not want to overturn Roe vs. Wade.

Yet the only places I can feel really at home with how I feel are online—including www.OnePinky.com.

At OnePinky, my “sisters” all accept everyone no matter their creed, sexuality, color or any other factor. Some of us are Christians; some are rather pagan; some prefer to remain nondenominational. And it’s all okay, because if there’s anything we learn at OnePinky, it’s to love ourselves no matter who we are, just as we are, warts, fat, bi polar, astigmatism and all.

“Live and let live” is what we learn, and that doesn’t apply to just ourselves—it applies to the world at large.

OnePinky.com reinforces the idea of tolerance—and most importantly to ourselves! Acceptance is what we should always strive for, here and now and always.

And we are responsible for owning the loveliness that we are. So it is time that we cease letting anyone make us feel that we are wrong with being who we are.

OnePinky, the community opens the door to talk about religion, politics, and all of the issues that people typically shy away from because of the divisiveness. Why should we fear each other so much? Should we not learn from one another instead, and embrace diversity in all of its beautiful forms?

Let’s celebrate being different. And like we’re learning to love ourselves “one pinky at a time,” perhaps the global community can learn to love each other, one person at a time, one difference at a time, until we reach a climate of peace and acceptance.

How has OnePinky.com impacted your view on tolerance and acceptance? Share your thoughts in the comments.

While I have received pleasure and joy in planning, presenting and hosting for the majority of my life, the truth is, many people do not.  Helping others to experience enhanced connections through hospitality has been my mission through my presentations with Joie de Vivre, and now with Compass.  (more…)